normalizing anger and sadness and fear in psychotherapy
psychological counseling for men and women in sonoma county
communication issues in marriage and couples therapy in marin county sonoma county female psychotherapist
Gudrun Zomerland, MFT, CCPS
Licensed Marriage
and Family Therapist
MFC #27617
405 Chinn Street
Santa Rosa, CA 95404
Email Gudrun

Client Resources:

addiction self-tests Addiction Self Tests
sonoma county area addiction support groups 12-Step Fellowship Links
fair fighting rules and tips Handouts and Forms

Articles by
Gudrun Zomerland:

Addiction and

shame as a defense mechanism Shame as Self-Care
internet pornography addiction The Dangers of
Internet Porn
teen drug alcohol addiction Non-Violent Communication and its Relevance for Codependents
teen drug alcohol additction Teen Addiction:
An Open Letter
prescription drug abuse Prescription Drug Abuse
windsor alcohol and chemical dependency treatment The Core of Co-Dependency
santa rosa counselor for depression and anxiety Co-Dependent Characteristics
childhood trauma and post traumatic stress support H.A.L.T.: A Self-Care Tool
family and couples counseling in sonoma county The Family Member in Denial


treatment for trauma from domestic violence and spousal abuse Non-Violent Communication and its Relevance for Codependents
attachment disorders in adult relationships Attachment in Adult Relationships
healthy communication skills in adult relationships and marriage Getting to Know Your Emotions
sonoma county marriage counselor Communication Skills for Couples - 101
treatment options for alcoholism and drug addiction in marin county Differentiation, or What Makes Relationships Work
santa rosa psychotherapist treating depression and anxiety John Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

General Topics:

narcissism Rapunzel, Daughter of a
Closet Narcissist
psychotherapy for trauma Trauma: The Shaking Of A Soul
shame as a defense mechanism Shame as Self-Care
narcissistic parents and conarcissistic children Narcissism and Co-Narcissism
counseling for sexual abuse trauma in northern california Sexual Abuse Guidelines
rohnert park PTSD post traumatic stress disorder therapy Book Review:
"Stop Gaining Weight"
The Body Never Lies by Alice Miller and Hidden in Plain Sight by Barry Grosskopf Is Forgiving Our Parents Necessary for Mental Health?
overcoming fear and phobia through psychotherapy Fear of Fear
counseling for gay and lesbian couples in sonoma and marin county Living with the Light and Dark Sides of Life




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Living with the Light and Dark Sides of Life
Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

I think too often we live under the illusion that being emotionally healthy means feeling good all the time. In working with people recovering from all kinds of addictions and in experiencing my own journey I have found that what most of us need to develop is tolerance for feeling uncomfortable.

As soon as we feel anger, sadness, shame or fear most of us want to get rid of these "negative" feelings. Granted, they don't feel pleasant, but that does not make them bad feelings. They are simply unpleasant. Just like their good counterparts they carry information that is important for us to pay attention to. Every feeling is a signal that announces a need. When we ignore or suppress our un-comfortable feelings we do the same to our underlying needs. It takes creative energy to ignore or suppress feelings. Small wonder then that we often walk around tired and uninspired. What we need to do is to free up our creative juices so that we can apply them to dealing with the needs underlying our feelings.

In prehistoric and ancient times people knew the value of the dark side of life, that is the painful, scary, uncomfortable part. In conjunction with honoring the light side they devised rituals that honored the dark, and even further, initiation rites that allowed and encouraged uncomfortable feelings to emerge. They knew that by being able to struggle with their inner demons and by tolerating internal discomfort they could reach a deeper place within themselves from which sprang a power and creativity that would benefit them and their tribe.

It is this kind of creativity that I support clients in finding within themselves, a creativity that is constructive, respectful to all, and ultimately healing. Then, no matter how we feel about what life brings to us, we are prepared to face ourselves and take care of our needs in the best possible way. Life then becomes a broad spectrum that is inspiring in itself.
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Gudrun Zomerland is marriage and family psychotherapist in marin county