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July - August 2006  
In This Issue:

Barbara Bowen on helping children through separation and divorce

Kevin Cooper on the fear of being big

Shoshona Pascoe reviews "Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships"

Gudrun Zomerland on H.A.L.T, a practical tool for everyday living

Shonnie Brown's websites and books about coping with infidelity

Who We Are:

We are a diverse group of experienced psychotherapists, each in private practice with offices at Chinn Street Counseling Center. We offer a full range of high quality services to people who want support for life's challenges. Our clients can choose from brief solution focused counseling or in depth psychotherapy. While we cooperate with existing insurance and managed care companies, our "fee for service" orientation allows our clients the freedom to choose the therapist with whom they feel most comfortable.

For more information, visit

Helping Your Children through Separation and Divorce
Barbara Bowen, LCSW

Going through their parents' separation and divorce can be very painful for children. The loss of the feeling of family, of day to day contact with both parents, coupled with the loss of the sense of stability to which they have grown accustomed, can feel overwhelming. It is not unusual for children to have many fears or to feel as though there is something wrong with them or their parents. Children tend to act out their feelings rather than express them verbally. It is common for children to display changes in behavior such as regression, clinging, school problems, overt attempts to get attention, such as misbehaving or acting like a clown, becoming withdrawn or distracted, or trying too hard to please others. In most cases these behaviors will pass as children and parents become adjusted to their new situation. The ways parents handle the separation or divorce can make a significant difference in whether their children's problems are transient or become long lasting.

The Fear of Being Big
Kevin Cooper, MFT

The fear of inadequacy is a common psychological dynamic that can dramatically impact our ability to enjoy life. Many people are afraid of being big and there is often a very good (and generally unconscious) reason for their fear. While "playing small doesn't serve the world" it can be a logical response to particular life experiences, particularly those of our formative years. If our survival or perceived survival as children depend on us being small, inadequate, compliant, selfless, or even invisible then that's what we learn to do. By adulthood this behavioral adaptation becomes unconscious and can impact our life in a variety of negative ways.

Book Review: "Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships"
Shoshona Pascoe, MFT

John Welwood's new book, Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships, affirms the yearning of our hearts for perfect love; our hearts have desire to be loved for who we are and we seek that satisfaction. In traversing the terrain of intimate relations we inevitably bump up against another human being, in their perfectly imperfect ways of giving and receiving love. Welwood explores the experience of "grievance" and our struggle with the world and the accompanying frustration and disappointment that give rise to our relationship dilemmas.

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H.A.L.T.: A Self-Care Tool
Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

I first came across the acronym H.A.L.T. when I was working as a counselor in chemical dependency treatment centers twenty years ago. H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Each one of these four physical or emotional conditions, if not taken care of, leaves an individual vulnerable for relapse.

The Infidelity Crisis: Links and Books
Shonnie Brown, M.A., MFT

Good people in good marriages are having affairs more than ever before. When sex combines with emotional intimacy, as happens increasingly in the workplace, the threat to the marriage is enormous. More and more I'm seeing people who have had an affair themselves or have been hurt by their partner's involvement in one. An affair may be a symptom of something not being addressed in the relationship. It may be the acting out of a projection of how things could, should, would be... But one thing is for certain--an affair within a marriage is always associated with pain. Links to infidelity resources:

Book recommendations:
    "Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity"
    "Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair: A Guide for Healing and Rebuilding Trust"
    "Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap"

Chinn Street Groups:

Separation/Divorce/Transition Group for Women: ongoing weekly support group for women in any stage of separation from a long term relationship. Facilitated by
Shonnie Brown, M.A., MFT

Co-Parent Empowerment Group: six week class focusing on shared parenting issues: managing and diffusing anger, de-escalation of conflict and effective communication skills. Facilitated by Shonnie Brown, M.A., MFT

Ongoing Men's Support Group: open to men interested in working on recurrent relationship issues including anger, addiction, communication and parenting. Meets Tuesdays from 6-7:30 PM. Facilitated by Kevin Cooper, MFT

Recovery Support Group for Men: for men who want to work successfully at relapse prevention, recognize self-defeating behaviors that reemerge despite working the "program" and more. Ongoing, Wednesday evenings 6-7:30 PM. Facilitated by Thomas J. Hurley, MFT

Recovery Support Group for Women: for women who are currently active members of a 12-Step fellowship and who want additional support in dealing with the many issues that can emerge when recovering from addictive patterns in life. Ongoing, Monday evenings 6-7:30PM. Facilitated by Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

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Chinn Street Counseling Center  •  405 Chinn Street  •  Santa Rosa, CA 95404
Barbara Bowen, L.C.S.W.
707-575-5300 / 925-934-8661

Shonnie Brown, M.A., M.F.T.

Kevin Cooper, M.F.T.
Thomas Hurley, M.F.T.

Shoshona Pascoe, M.F.T.

Gudrun Zomerland, M.F.T.
707-575-8468 / 415-446-5532
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