Going through their parents' separation and divorce can be very painful for children. The loss of the feeling of family, of day to day contact with both parents, coupled with the loss of the sense of stability to which they have grown accustomed, can feel overwhelming. It is not unusual for children to have many fears or to feel as though there is something wrong with them or their parents. Children tend to act out their feelings rather than express them verbally. It is common for children to display changes in behavior such as regression, clinging, school problems, overt attempts to get attention, such as misbehaving or acting like a clown, becoming withdrawn or distracted, or trying too hard to please others. In most cases these behaviors will pass as children and parents become adjusted to their new situation. The ways parents handle the separation or divorce can make a significant difference in whether their children's problems are transient or become long lasting.
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The fear of inadequacy is a common psychological dynamic that can dramatically impact our ability to enjoy life. Many people are afraid of being big and there is often a very good (and generally unconscious) reason for their fear. While "playing small doesn't serve the world" it can be a logical response to particular life experiences, particularly those of our formative years. If our survival or perceived survival as children depend on us being small, inadequate, compliant, selfless, or even invisible then that's what we learn to do. By adulthood this behavioral adaptation becomes unconscious and can impact our life in a variety of negative ways.
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John Welwood's new book, Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships, affirms the yearning of our hearts for perfect love; our hearts have desire to be loved for who we are and we seek that satisfaction. In traversing the terrain of intimate relations we inevitably bump up against another human being, in their perfectly imperfect ways of giving and receiving love. Welwood explores the experience of "grievance" and our struggle with the world and the accompanying frustration and disappointment that give rise to our relationship dilemmas.
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I first came across the acronym H.A.L.T. when I was working as a counselor in chemical dependency treatment centers twenty years ago. H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Each one of these four physical or emotional conditions, if not taken care of, leaves an individual vulnerable for relapse.
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Good people in good marriages are having affairs more than ever before. When sex combines with emotional intimacy, as happens increasingly in the workplace, the threat to the marriage is enormous. More and more I'm seeing people who have had an affair themselves or have been hurt by their partner's involvement in one. An affair may be a symptom of something not being addressed in the relationship. It may be the acting out of a projection of how things could, should, would be... But one thing is for certain--an affair within a marriage is always associated with pain. Links to infidelity resources:

The Marriage Builder
Dear Peggy.com
COSA 12-step recovery program
The Healing Heart message board
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"Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity"
"Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair: A Guide for Healing and Rebuilding Trust"
"Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap"
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Chinn Street Groups:

Separation/Divorce/Transition Group for Women: ongoing weekly support group for women in any stage of separation from a long term relationship. Facilitated by