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Winter 2008  
In This Issue:

Shoshona Pascoe's article on "Kindness" considers the powerful support for change a kind attitude of inquiry can be.

Gudrun Zomerland explains the dynamic between narcissistic parents and their children in her current article.

Shonnie Brown's article "Divorce and Attachment Issues", describes a range of divorcing clients' responses to the loss of their "secure base".

Barbara Bowen offers a review of "We'd Have a Great Relationship if it Weren't For You: Regaining Love and Intimacy" by Bruce Derman, Ph.D.

Who We Are:

We are individual private therapists who practice psychotherapy in the same location: 405 Chinn Street in Santa Rosa. We are not part of a business partnership, group or association, but are sole practitioners. As individual therapists each of us offers years of experience in different areas of therapeutic focus. The array of services offered range from brief solution focused counseling to in-depth psychotherapy. While each one of us cooperates with different existing insurance and managed care companies, we each follow a "fee for service" orientation that allows clients the freedom to choose the therapist with whom they feel most comfortable.

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Chinn Street Newsletter Archives

Shoshona Pascoe, MFT

Kindness is a quality, an attitude toward others and also toward ourselves. Its presence or absence in the psychotherapy room impacts the process of growth and change in a profound way. No matter if the issue requiring attention is stress related imbalance, relationship problems, or anxiety and depressive tendencies, the field of kindness is a part of therapy. Most would agree that kindness is a good thing, but the hard driving push to show up for our lives in this modern world may delegate the cultivation of kindness to a low priority. Read more...

Narcissism and Co-Narcissism
Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

More than anything else in my almost 20-year practice of psychotherapy, I have found that parental narcissism and the resulting lack of empathy and attunement with the child is what brings people into psychotherapy later as adults. In order to survive a narcissistic parent, children learn to tune out their own vulnerability, their own needs, and their own emotional world that would direct them toward their needs. Children learn to be close to the parent by either imitating the narcissistic parent and becoming like him or her (a narcissist), or by tuning into the parent's bottomless need for positive self-reflection (co-narcissist). Children who have adopted the latter survival mechanism will later on in life choose other narcissists or other people with strong narcissistic tendencies to bond with in order to fulfill the role and type of relationship they are familiar with. Read more...

Divorce and Attachment Issues
Shonnie Brown, MFT

Alyce came to my separation/divorce group full of shame and regret about her own infidelity and her husband's subsequent decision to end their marriage. The more she delved into her feelings, the more she became aware of panic at her very core. She described feelings of "no longer being tethered to the earth," and "free floating without any ground." Returning each day to an empty house was terrifying. She had lost her "secure base", her attachment object, not realizing that the idea of his simple constant presence in her life was holding her fragile self together despite the quality of their relationship. Her secure base was, in actuality, an illusion. Read more...

"We'd Have a Great Relationship if it Weren't for You: Regaining Love and Intimacy," by Bruce Derman, Ph.D.
Book Review by Barbara Bowen, LCSW

I was taken by the title of this book because it reminded me of a common stuck place in relationships. Many people I see arrive at couples' counseling having come to a conclusion about why the other person acts the way they do, and what they need to do to fix it (or hope the therapist can help the other person see and change it). Or, they are stuck in disagreements regarding who is right and who is wrong. They spend a lot of energy trying to convince the other person of their errors. They do not understand, or have lost sight of, the fact that relationships are about support and understanding and can be an invaluable vehicle for personal growth. Their focus is on fixing the other person, not on understanding, learning, and acceptance of differences. Read more...

Chinn Street Groups:

Separation/Divorce/Transition Group for Women: ongoing weekly support group for women in any stage of separation from a long term relationship. Facilitated by Shonnie Brown, M.A., MFT

Co-Parent Empowerment Group: six week class focusing on shared parenting issues: managing and diffusing anger, de-escalation of conflict and effective communication skills. Facilitated by Shonnie Brown, M.A., MFT

Ongoing Men's Support Group: open to men interested in working on recurrent relationship issues including anger, addiction, communication and parenting. Meets Tuesdays from 6-7:30 PM. Facilitated by Kevin Cooper, MFT

Recovery Support Group for Women: for women who are currently active members of a 12-Step fellowship and who want additional support in dealing with the many issues that can emerge when recovering from addictive patterns in life. Ongoing, Monday evenings 6-7:30PM. Facilitated by Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

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Chinn Street Counseling Center  •  405 Chinn Street  •  Santa Rosa, CA 95404
Barbara Bowen, L.C.S.W.
707-575-5300 / 925-934-8661

Shonnie Brown, M.A., M.F.T.

Kevin Cooper, M.F.T.

Shoshona Pascoe, M.F.T.

Milton Woolley, M.F.T.

Gudrun Zomerland, M.F.T.
707-575-8468 / 415-446-5532

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